The answer, in short and simple language is: YES. Think of your mind as a computer, and your personality as the operating system and software. You can't change the basic platform (Mac vs. PC) or the operating system it's required to run with, but you can certainly decide what programs to load and how you're going to use them. The key to change is to have realistic expectations and goals. You probably will never become a raging extrovert or 'the life of the party', but you certainly can become comfortable enough in social situations to have some friends and deal with them in everyday situations, such as in stores or on the job.

You can help yourself in a variety of ways. There are self-help books available that deal with shyness and social anxiety, though not nearly enough good ones (in my opinion). There are many resources on the web, such as online communities and mailing lists (some are linked to this site, how convenient!) that are geared towards people with social anxiety. Another option is therapy. Don't let pride stop you from at least trying this option.

If you decide to take the plunge and see a therapist, there are a number of things you should be aware of. In psychology, there are various different theoretical orientations. In plain English, that means that different shrinks have different ideas on how to help people, plain and simple. I won't go into all the varieties of psychotherapy available (that would be enough material for a whole 'nother site) but I'll cover two of the most important: insight-oriented (which generally covers psychodynamic, Rogerian, psychoanalytic and family systems) and behavioral, or cognitive-behavioral (CBT for short). Insight oriented therapy generally focuses on the past, and root causes of problems. Generally they take the role of early childhood experiences, especially family experiences, very seriously. It is generally fairly free form in that the patient generally talks about whatever she/he wishes to bring up in that session. Generally the hope is that if some inner conflict can be uncovered, or some past wrong resolved, the person will improve. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. The focus is on the present, for the most part. The main emphasis is on problem solving and practical solutions. These therapists tend to be more direct and will give outright suggestions for change. The goal in CBT is to examine the patient's beliefs that form the rationale for their behavior. The therapist then points out what is wrong or irrational about these beliefs (even if they may have been at some point, correct) and suggests new ideas and behaviors to replace the old ones that don't work anymore. Think of it as updating your hard drive. For people with social anxiety, or any anxiety disorder for that matter, research has so far favored CBT as the treatment of choice. This is probably because the best way to conquer fear is simply to face it. A good therapist can help you decide on a plan to face your fears in a graduated manner, starting from what is least scary and working your way up; as well as give you feedback on improving your social skills and challenging your (probably) negative beliefs about yourself. Before entering into a therapeutic relationship, it is important to ask the therapist questions about how they do therapy and get a feel for their point of view on how best to treat your problem. Don't be afraid to do this, it's perfectly within your rights as a patient. If you were having someone who you didn't know babysit your kid, you'd want to interview them, right? If you can get a referral from a friend or a doctor you trust, that's a good idea as well. Once you find someone, give it a few sessions to decide if the therapist is a good fit for you. Remember, obviously the very nature of having APD is going to preclude you from being comfortable with people easily, especially someone with whom you have to discuss personal problems with, so be patient and don't be too hasty to judge. On the other hand, obviously your therapist has to be someone you can feel comfortable talking to. On final word: Good luck!

Why the hell am I like this anyway!!!!????

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