"I know what ya mean about 'being alone in a crowd'... I like solitude most of the
time too. it's being surrounded by lots of people having fun with friends and lovers that sorta grates on my nerves and really makes me feel 'alone'. I don't want to be antisocial or anything, but obviously it's hard to not feel isolated, jealous or 'outside'..."

"i can relate. the people i want to get to know the most are always the most intimidating to me. generally they usually have no idea what i think of them: it's not always a crush, it could be just that i think they're a neat person and i'd like to get to know them better. but there's this barrier, this wall. and they never seem to notice me. it's weird, if it's someone who i don't care about then i'm fine, but confronted with a 'hipster' i'm a deer in headlights."

"yeah, i never feel comfortable just going up to someone who looks cute or interesting and striking up a conversation, i generally assume that that's just not done, that they'll think i'm selling bibles, or that i'm intruding their space. i feel like there's all these hidden rules that i don't know that i'm afraid to break for fear of looking like an idiot. so i play it safe and do nothing, and unfortunately i don't get approached much."

"That still seems to be a problem with me - not being able to pick up on any sort of social nuances at all. I think it all a matter of being so worried about negative judgements and trying to make yourself inconspicuous that it's easy not to notice this sort of thing. I like to think that confidence and social activity can snowball - ie you meet one person who has friends who do stuff with others and drag ya along..."

"The problem with us is that we are so critical of ourselves that we think everybody else is being critical aswell. Do those people have a good reason for being nice to you even if they didnīt like you? Unless you have an expensive car which you want to give away, if people really didnīt like you they wouldnīt talk to you just to be polite."

"it's really sad. i wish i didn't need people really. that would solve everything. i get hurt so easily. even if all my posts don't get replied to, or only by a few people, i get hurt. it sucks. i want to be tough and cold and bad ass. i want to not give a crap just like everybody else. i feel like i haven't the least effect on anyone and anyone can just pinprick my feelings like i'm some kinda emotional voodoo doll. the balance is all off. IT ISN'T FAIR!!!!"

"sometimes i feel like the world is a corpse, and i'm the only one that's alive. sometimes i feel like the whole world is an uncaring lover with its back turned towards me."

"Iīm not sure if I understood what youīre saying but, I have my good days and bad days. I look shyer then what I really am, cause once I really get to know a person Iīm kind of an extrovert, itīs wierd..."

"I think it's really a two part process, getting through social anxiety. One is the anxiety itself, and the other facet of recovery, which can be just as difficult, is 'adjusting' to a new different life - having not had the social experience others have. I'm discovering that the hard way! :0P Even sometimes when my anxiety seems just about nonexistant, the second I'm faced with an introduction or something I just feel blank because I'm so clueless about just meeting/talking to people."

"I feel as though I am standing alone on a sheet of ice, and if I move in any direction I could fall into the numbingly cold-yet all too familiar sea of despair. I have to wonder why I keep finding my way back to this icy solitude. I don't know what is wrong with my mind. It tortures me so very much. I walk around everyday playing my role as the normal girl. Normal to whom, I ask myself. Does such a concept exist? I have become programmed to satisfy those I encounter. I put on my mask, and seep into the illusion I have become. The redundant passing of each day ignites a fire within my soul that burns in agony. I long to paint my own portrait...to define my own being. If only I didn't have the leash of anxiety holding me back. Perhaps then I could breathe once more. "

"I hate living in this silent world. I hate seeing people I used to know and having nothing funny or interesting to say. I hate being the pathetic silent loser at a table full of conversational goddesses. I hate that my standards are so high: if I see an old friend and we don't laugh uproariously or bond deeply or run about like wild women, like J Crew models, I feel like a failure. I hate that I believe these standards, but believe them I do, & therefore I hate who I am. Utterly, completely. I don't see the point in living if my life is to be like this. Shy. Timid. Boring. No good at parties. Facing a life of underemployment and constant loneliness. What's the point? Not that I will do anything drastic, couldn't do that to my family. But I try and try to become social and nothing works. Books & therapists say, if you practice talking to other people, it gets easier. But it doesn't, because when I try and fail, the physical pain of failure, added to a lifetime accumulation of failure, hurts SO bad that it's not worth it to try again for a while."

"The worst thing about SA for me is that I ache for human contact, but am always pushing people away. I don't know if that's the case with you. But when it hits me bad I don't want to email anyone. Don't want to alert them to my presence on earth. Some people have gotten weirded out in the past when I told them I was depressed, but others, I probably haven't given them a chance. Maybe thinking I am boring, or that other people are accomplishing more than me, is an excuse for me not to reach out."